The Anti-New Year's Resolutions
Take a different path and come up with goals that actually work for 2024
Eat less sugar. Work out 5 times a week. Say no more often. Tidy up the house every two weeks so I don’t end up with piles and piles of items nobody remembers what they’re for. Not sure who came up with the idea of NY resolutions, but they are a big trend.
The lists run long, detailed, and get us instantly excited about better, slimmer, smarter, more “together” versions of future selves. Without fail, around this time, every year. What’s not to like?
Well, to cut to the chase, they don’t work.
A recent study shows 80% of them are abandoned by mid-February. That’s high hopes and dreams for a whole of 45 days.
summarizes this problem perfectly in this quick post here:
But why don’t they work?
A comprehensive list of everything wrong with NY resolutions
1. Lack of specificity – don’t get me wrong, some of them are super specific (e.g. I’ll sleep min. 8 hours each of the 365 nights this coming year is very specific) and that’s all good. But what these resolutions don’t tell you: what are the actual habits or support systems you need to make sure you do go to bed early? What happens when you fall off track for a few days? Are there exceptions, in what circumstances?
2. Narrow, short-term, numeric focus – New Year’s resolutions are often focused on short or mid-term goals (e.g. “I’ll work out min. 5x/week”), instead of being aligned with longer-term goals, like building an identity (e.g. “I’m an athletic/fit person who incorporates movement into everyday life”).
3. Lack of accountability – who and/or what is going to keep you accountable? That’s right, no one. These will just be added on top of all your other existing obligations (like keeping a job, a relationship, a family, a social circle, showering and feeding yourself every day, etc), and fall to the bottom of that list quickly.
4. Lack of flexibility – resolutions don’t take into account changes in circumstances or priorities. In the current volatile, ambiguous, uncertain world we live in, even predicting what the weather’s going to be like in a month, heck, two days from now is an iffy proposition. What if by mid-year you’ve changed jobs, moved to a new country, met the love of your life, had an accident that impairs your regular movement, got pregnant or got fired? How many of those resolutions will hold?
Alternatives to resolutions, from high-level to everyday actions
1. Backcasting vs. forecasting
I’m sure you’ve heard of forecasting but perhaps you haven’t yet used backcasting. Both are methods used to estimate, dream and plan for the future.
Forecasting looks at past events and uses them to make informed guesses about what might happen in the future. It’s what your colleagues from finance & accounting do. They take last quarter’s (year’s, etc) results and hope to improve by 12% or 27%.
In backcasting, we start with an ambitious vision of the future, with a long-term vision or goal (that might even seem implausible) and work backward to identify the intermediate steps and short-term actions needed to achieve it.
Example: what NASA did when they committed to putting a man on the moon before the end of the 1960s. That was seven years before Neil Armstrong took that objectively small but metaphorically giant step for humanity. A fun trivia fact? At the time Kennedy made that promise in 1962, some of the metals needed to put a man on the moon hadn’t even been invented.
Forecasting looks forward and tries to predict what will happen. The problem with forecasting is we can only improve on what we have already achieved. Backcasting looks backward from a desired future state and identifies the steps needed to get there.
If, for example, in 5 years from now you want to be running a company while travelling the world as a digital nomad - and you’ve never done either one of those, forecasting will not help you, but backcasting will.
2. Niyyat-type intentions
I’m not a religious person but I love learning from traditions and teachings belonging to different religions. A Muslim friend taught me a few years ago about niyyat - intentions you set from the heart, for the sake of a higher purpose, acting like you’ve already carried them out, because all actions are judged based on intention.
I don’t know if I got all of this right, but I’ve enjoyed learning from this concept.
How do these intentions sound in practice?
These are two of mine:
I am a good listener and I enter every conversation assuming I have something I can learn from it; so I can live, serve (in my roles) and love more fully. (Context: I sometimes struggle to be a good listener and find myself interrupting people I’m in conversation with. I dislike that about myself).
My social interactions are highly curated and I spend most of my time with people who inspire, motivate and lift me; our interactions feel easy and respectful of boundaries, so that life is rich and meaningful. (Context: I often find myself saying yes to invites I should probably say no to).
These are not to be used like mantras. I further break them down into habits, systems and tools I use to help myself take bite-sized, but consistent action on them, so they don't remain just intentions.
3. Systems, habits and tools
If you have a goal, wish, dream, take a look at your systems, tools, and habits that support it. Look at them through these filters:
✓ What’s missing?
✓ What’s unrealistic?
✓ What’s not working?
Often, you’ll find a resolution you made is a nice-to-have goal, but the system/tools/habits backing it up either aren’t there or aren’t working. And often, that’s what you need (systems and habits that work), not resolutions.
A practical example of systems/tools/actions rather than resolutions
Let’s use my personal example of aiming to “Say no to more things”, having that on a wishlist vs. making it work. I’m routinely overcommitted and time-poor, so this is something I’m actively working on at the moment. Below are some ideas of systems/tools/habits/rituals that might help me take more consistent action on this. I’ve tried most of them or similar ones for other goals/intentions, and they’ve worked.
Implementing a habit where I never say yes on the spot/right away - to anything. “Thank you, I will think about that and get back to you”.
Implementing a “ritual” where every quarter I take inventory of all my commitments and trim the fat according to how priorities shifted. Transfer that to my ClickUp and Evernote boards, so I can quickly access and refer to it.
Setting a calendar reminder for every Tuesday and Friday to say no to any invites, tasks and requests coming in that day that I haven’t already committed to.
Setting a monthly reminder to assess and celebrate my progress on this - measured in things I said no to! Taking myself out for a treat to incentivize this.
Recruiting an accountability buddy - for example, a peer I have regular catch-ups with to keep me accountable for these.
Ok, but, how to figure out the systems and habits you need to support a goal or an intention?
4. Experiments
One great way of doing so is using experiments. I “test” habits and systems for 90 days (1 quarter) and then adjust, rather than making 26 NY resolutions I know will be forgotten by the end of Q1.
Example: if you’ve failed to implement a fitness habit for the last 5 years, ask yourself “What would happen if I simply download the app Seven (7) I’ve heard about from a friend, and try to work out at home for just 7 min a day, following the instructions?”.
In 90 days, you may find that: you are now consistently doing a bit of exercise every day and it would be easy to “expand” the habit to 20 or 30 minutes. Or you might find that didn’t work at all, and you may need to try something completely different (e.g. an accountability buddy or a spin class).
That’s it for now. I’ll be backcasting, forecasting, and brainstorming my intentions, systems, and experiments for 2024 over the next few days. What I know for sure is that there’s going to be a lot of planning for doing less and simplifying, trimming down things that no longer serve me, as opposed to adding more.
If you’d like my help in brainstorming experiments, systems, tools - drop a comment or a DM and I’ll do my best to do so!
What are your favourite ways to set wishes, dream big - and make sure it happens, rather than being covered by virtual dust in a corner of your digital setup by Feb 12th?
Grateful to
for reading this draft & asking excellent questions.Nodding to
, who published similar essays here and here.
Your piece is cool but that pic of you cleaning that bar??? The coolest.
Oh man, I totally love the concept of niyyat-type intentions. Lavinia, what helps you make the intentions more powerful? Do you repeat it to yourself everyday or do you set them based on your nature (e.g. being a good listener)?